i'm eating an unnecassarily large box of junior mints. i don't really know why. i mean i love junior mints, but i don't really want them right now. anyway, i'm working three doubles in a row and ian's coming over now to dye my hair. which is odd because it's one in the morning. i saw matt yesterday. he said hi and then he went down the street and puked and that was that. haha. this is random. but i feel random right now. i feel like if i started to float away i wouldn't just go straight up but i'd circle around and do sumersaults and spirals like i was caught in a tornado or something. and i don't think it's a bad thing. but i think i much rather float straight up. i don't want to stress myself out. i want to go to work because i know what i'm doing there and when i'm home i don't know what i'm doing. so i'm going to stay home some days so i can figure myself out better. so i can get better. i'm doing good though and i'm typing this like the way Christopher talks in "the curious incident of the dog in the night-time" which i just finished reading. it was very good. very easy to read. but the amazing thing is, the truly amazing thing is, this boy who's holding me in his arms and making everything okay. we're going to see david bowie. and we're going to lalapalooza. i don't know how to spell it. modest mouse. flaming lips. the fucking PIXIES. we're going to see phish before they break up. i don't even like phish but we're going because it's something we have to do. and he's coming over at one in the morning to dye my hair. black. blue black. jet black. and it's something we both could get used to. but sometimes i just cry because i know how easy it is to lose somebody you really love. so we just make a wish whenever the clock says 10:10 or 12:12 or something like that, that we'll be together for a very long time. remember why rob loves laura in "high fidelity"? he says it's because she didn't make him anxious, or uncomfortable and a whole bunch of other things that make you think "well, i've been going about this all wrong. it's all right in front of me and i never even looked before". he doesn't make me anxious or uncomfortable or scared or angry or sad. he justs lets me figure myself out and i let him figure himself out and together we're a superhero. and that's that.